Ever since I was young I believed kindness and generosity were the most important
traits anyone should aim to gain. I thought that if someone was kind they were happy
and strong. Which is true, but as I grew up I realized I had the tendency to mix up
between being kindhearted and giving up my self-love and appreciation.
We often forget that the love and care we give to everyone around us consume our
energy some way or another. Don’t get me wrong; I am not saying you shouldn’t be
kind. All I am saying is you need to learn to choose yourself first before anything or
anyone else. Here is why:
How many times are they going to choose you over themselves?
Most of the times when we catch ourselves being selfless we realize we do not do it
consciously. You do not take a decision to get out of your way to make someone else
happy or you never think about forgiveness as a conclusion, you just do it naturally.
You also never admit you are being attached to being caring in this particular way;
you just live with it day in and day out.
This is a beautiful and comforting way to be, but if you do it in a manner that
endlessly consumes the energy you have, it will break you.
A balance is always best, and this balance should be your rationale. You need to ask
yourself if this person, you are taking up all your effort to put first, will ever put you
first. Will they choose you over their list of priorities? Where do you lay in that list?
Unconditional love is beautiful, but if it doesn’t come from both parties then there
is no point of its existence. Whether if it were a family member, a friend or a partner
think about the times they would put you first and rationalize your emotions.
You need to take care of yourself first.
If you are not okay there is no way you’ll be able to give without destroying yourself.
You are someone on your own. You have passions, dreams, and aims and there is
nothing in the world more important than being the person you want to be. Whether
this person is focused on their career, their family life, their education or even their
relationship with God focusing on the person you want to be should forever be your
priority. Everyone around you should be able to understand that you are a whole
being on your own. And there is no way for you to be a giving person healthily
without being someone on your own. “Fill your cup first.”
Things change and people go.
People sometimes leave, actually most of the time they do. They change their mind,
they let go, they find something else or they just get busy. In all cases, there is no
reason for you to trap yourself in an attachment that would take you nowhere. You
should never feel abandoned when someone leaves; you should feel thankful that they did. And even though it is easier said than done it is true, because you should rather choose loss than being around someone who doesn’t mind letting go of you at any
time. People stop being friends, get divorced, break up and fight all the time. But
what’s not okay is having someone throw away everything they’ve had and just pack
and go. And as painful as it could be you should learn to be stronger than that. You
should feel the pain and loss in a way that wouldn’t break you. And this only happens
when you choose yourself first.
Human relations are hectic and draining there is no relationship without compromise or
conflict. This is why you need to choose your battles and you need to protect yourself.
What you have is worthy, your heart and capacity to love and care is important and
should be treated like it is. Don’t waste it and don’t break it by forgetting that you are
someone worth care and love as well. If you don’t use some of this energy to take
care of yourself you’ll be emotionally consumed and nothing in the world deserves
this kind of consumption, the kind that would break you.
You should never be selfish and self-centered but you need to know that you should
always find the balance, because those who constantly put others first, definitely lose
themselves in the process. You should find the point where you can be caring but
protect yourself and a point where being loving doesn’t emotionally consume you.
Take care of yourself and protect it and always choose yourself first.