A Therapist Tells Us The 11 Types Of Women And How To Deal With Them

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Alright, now that we’ve discussed the ‘Eleven Types of Men’, it’s the ladies’ turn. Contenders, please take your seats.

But wait. First Things First:
I hereby declare that the information you’re about to read might change your life forever, and will most definitely be the key to unlock all the problems you encounter with the mystical female gender. Especially for guys with the ‘All Women Are The Same’ mentality, you’ll find this mind-blowing for sure. Much like the ‘Da Vinci Code’, this list was complied by symbologists, cryptologists, behaviorists, social analysts and communication scientists over centuries of research and critical investigation.
And now it’s all brought to you, On a digital silver platter

Martha Stewart:

Unsurpassed administrator skills with a touch of OCD come with this one. She’s the perfect hostess. Her pantry’s always stocked, pillows always fluffed and everything (whether at home or at work) is organized and categorized in alphabetical order. She’s extremely proper, realistic and wise. She’s very hygienic, never drinks or smokes. She dresses modestly, eats healthy and works hard for her long-term goals. People can’t help but depend on her, and she usually ends up carrying more than her share of responsibilities.
This woman likes to be in control, so she shoves her feelings in the back seat and protects her heart from men. She doesn’t allow herself to express her emotions and shields herself with a thick shell. But once that shell is broken, she’s actually a fun, loving person inside.
Tips: This woman doesn’t respond to sleazy come-on’s or indecent maneuvers, so back off and get real. She has high morals and never breaks rules (or at least we only see her that way), which is why she’s always right (and don’t you dare say otherwise, cause she’ll get defensive and debate with you till you give up and die). My advice is to nod and agree, cause chances are, she IS actually right!

Cleopatra:

A master manipulator. She’s good at almost everything she does and has the ability to get people to do exactly what she wants them to do with zero commands required. She’s an inspirer, to say the least. She’s quick in recognizing possibilities, affecting leaders and can be the main catalyst for change in the world. What can I say? She’s a queen! Confident, sexy, intimidating, bold, and very intelligent. She revolves her life around seduction, using her beauty and figure as a weapon. She’s intrigued by hard-to-get-men, and even if she settles down and starts a family, she’ll always be a seducer at heart. She’ll make you think you did, but you can never actually win with this woman; her brain is a mysterious dangerous place. She overcomes masterminds, captivates hearts and entrances audiences. She knows her value and makes sure everyone around her knows it too.
This woman is emotionally strong, passionate and very sensual. Being loved by a Cleopatra will make you feel like you’re on top of the world.
Tips: This woman likes a challenge and will be eternally attached to those who don’t succumb to her powers. Instead of always reminding her of how gloriously amazing she is, be the person worthy of her love and trust.

The Hitler-ess:

The old fashioned type who always thinks in terms of what is ‘appropriate’ and what is not. Some people have a hard time picturing her as a child, for it seems she was born with adult-like wisdom. This woman is a bit of a prude, her favorite, most used words are ‘no’, ‘unacceptable’, ‘intolerable’, ‘disgraceful’, ‘unbecoming’ and ‘unsuitable’. She’s strict, proper and respectful. She takes her social obligations very seriously. She’ll be the first caller to congratulate you on special occasions and the first to console on sad ones. She dresses modestly, is consistent, determined, intellectual, and reliable. This woman is usually religious and has an unexplainable need to make you adopt her same set of principles and moral codes. She has zero tolerance for both young and old alike. She has hobbies and interests of course, but they’re so different from anyone else’s that she comes off a little ‘dull’, especially to men, who usually end up leaving or cheating. But once you allow yourself to see through all of the ‘perfection mania’, you’ll realize this woman is a good friend, loyal, honest and usually very generous.

Tips: If you’re not a good listener and good with following instructions, then I’m fresh out of ideas on how to help you. I’m sorry but you’re on your own loool.

The Celebrity:

She’s the social butterfly who just wants to enjoy life as much as possible. She’s a party girl. Energetic, confident, fun, spontaneous, popular, and pretty to look at. It’s almost impossible to catch this one at home. She’s very high maintenance; she can’t imagine her life without her manicurist, pedicurist, hairdresser, masseur, plastic surgeon and personal shopper. She doesn’t really care about ‘true love’ as long as she’s cared for and supported by a rich man and is the center of everyone’s attention. And she usually is, for the party is never complete without her. You’ll find her out dancing with or without her partner. Posting pictures of her posing like a movie star all over social media. This woman makes everything glamorous, staying out late and always on the run for a new adventure. She loves to travel, shop, and be seen in the hippest places with the coolest crowd.
This woman can be a bit selfish, self absorbed, irresponsible and might seem to lack a higher purpose in life, and she has a huge fear of aging. But again she’s tender inside, forgiving, and has a very colorful personality. You can never be bored with this one. She brings life to life.
Tips: Don’t be fooled by the glamour. There’s a baby inside this woman waiting to be taken care of and loved. Just stay on her good side, focus on her good qualities and enjoy the happy journey.

Sleeping Beauty:

You know the girl whose face lights up when you talk about love? Yes, that’s the one. She’s the helpless romantic who’s in love with the idea of falling in love. She’s graceful, kind hearted, patient, dreamy and oh so delicate. She’s a natural; feminine, sweet, proper and considerate. She’s like the ‘ideal wife’. This woman revolves her life around finding ‘Mr Perfect’. She dreams of settling in the perfect picket-fenced house and of having lots of picture-perfect babies with the perfect guy. She’s not really interested in careers, social life or anything else that doesn’t include him. She’s obsessed with romantic movies, fairytales, books about love; anything that symbolizes her ultimate goal of ‘happy ever after’. She’s very attentive to her man’s needs and always puts him first. You’d think she has Alzheimer’s coz she forgets how people hurt her. She’ll pamper her man, chase him, get him unsolicited gifts, and always want to know where he is and what he’s doing and who he’s with and what they’re talking about.
Tips: Many take her for granted and eventually end up changing her into a bitter, broken soul. Don’t be that person. Appreciate and love her for what she is, say ‘thank you’ and reciprocate every now and then.

Cruella De Ville:

Okay here’s a tricky character to explain. She’s not actually ‘killing puppies’ cruel, she’s more the egoistic, judgmental, ‘nothing-is-ever-good-enough-for-me’ type. She’s very picky with her friends and is very sophisticated and well read. This woman is elegant, extremely and uniquely well-dressed and her presence can sometimes be a bit domineering. She usually smokes a lot, (but not necessarily) eats little and is always very tense. You can never know exactly what she’s thinking. She’s also very persuasive; it’s like she has some kind of ‘brain washing potion’ at her disposal or something. She usually has huge problems with her close relationships, though. (Perhaps due to her quick temper, which suddenly strips her away of all the sophistication and classiness she’s ever possessed.) The good news is this woman is very influential, and when you have her by side, you somehow feel more powerful and secure.

Tips: She doesn’t submit or make herself smaller for anyone, no matter who they are, so don’t try to subdue her. Make her feel important, acknowledged, respected and most of all heard. That’s how you’ll win her heart.

Cinderella:

Think of a woman who lives to give. She finds joy in making other people happy and is always seeking out people in need. She’s the type everyone confides in yet she perfectly maintains her own privacy and never lets anyone in on her feelings. She doesn’t mind being in the spotlight, especially as a role model. This woman is selfless and innocently mysterious, she’ll always make it about you, hardly ever about her. She’s considerate, sensitive, and creative. She has a wild side and is a woman of extremes; she’ll love you to the fullest, and be very patient and understanding, but when you hurt her too much or she decides she’s had enough, she’ll completely shut down, be cold, mean or just erase you as if you never existed. She takes things personally and can be very biased. But again she’s highly attuned to other people’s emotional needs and is always ready to defend her loved ones, for they’ll always come first.
Tips: This woman thrives on love, attention and praise. You’ll be surprised how little things make her happy, so pay attention.

The Drama Queen:

She’s a powerfully charged magnet for DRAMA! In fact, she takes the word ‘drama’ to a whole new level. This woman feeds off intensifying situations, and blowing things out of proportion. The drama queen is always ‘too’ something; too happy, too depressed, too scared, too angry… you name it. Sometimes (perhaps due to a disturbing childhood experience or trauma) she can turn into a full-on horror show, straight out of the movie ‘Fatal Attraction’. Try crossing her. She’ll key your car, harass you at work, blackmail you, threaten to kill herself, or just embarrass you with her craziness in public to the point you’ll wish you were never born. At first she seems like a sweet heart, and by the time you start seeing the signs, it’s a bit too late. It’s like she’s two people; one who’s fun, generous, kind and passionate, the other is violent, rude (especially to those beneath her) and basically a complete nut job. The tricky part is that this woman is very addictive, you can’t live with her and you can’t live without her. She’ll drown you in her endless drama and you’ll never know how to get out. One day you’re the love of her life and the next you’re her worst enemy. It’s like a life sentence of emotional rollercoasters. So if you have a drama queen in your life, well…. Good luck!
Tips: Run if you can. If not, then I’d like to offer you my condolences and I’m sure your suffering will be rewarded in the Hereafter.

Margret Thatcher:

The politicians, environmentalists, feminists, activists and many of the world’s famous female leaders fall in this category. She highly values knowledge, aptitude and structures. She’s a professional; classy, educated, serious and very vocal about her views. This woman will usually have an opposing opinion about everything, and is always digging for controversies. She fights for a cause, sometimes at the expense of her softness and femininity. She has high expectations for herself and others, and has learned to exclude her emotions from the equation. This woman doesn’t have a lot of female friends, and she can’t stand the ‘girls’ talk’ or the ‘hot gossip’. She seeks respect, integrity and intellectual conversations. She’s more into academia, expertise and assertiveness. She’ll effortlessly identify the organizational problem and come with a solid plan for solutions. This woman might criticize and blame, but she will support your career goals, contribute to your successes and will never allow you to break down.
Tips: Compliment her brain. Let her know you value her advice and make her feel like an equal. Respect is the key to this one’s heart.

The Tom Boy:

The funniest, loudest and friendliest woman you know will most likely belong to this category. She’s the entertainer, the type who’ll laugh at herself, speak her mind with no ‘socially appropriate’ filters, and is usually the center of attention in all kinds of social situations. She’s loyal, active, and very easy going. She lives for the moment and loves new experiences and adventures. She’s also very humble and sometimes a bit insecure. This woman doesn’t like to be alone; you’ll always find her hanging out with friends or family, and moving in big chaotic groups. She isn’t really into fashion, makeup or anything ‘girly’; you’ll hardly ever catch her with a mirror. She’s a free spirit and a supportive and devoted friend.
Tips: If you love kids you’re already 10 steps closer to winning her over. Try not to complain around this woman. Just keep her company, laugh with her and be yourself.

The Girl Next Door:

Everyone knows a girl like that, sweet, well mannered and down to earth. She’s the type who’d rather die than be in the spotlight. She’s just, I don’t know, wholesome. Like she’s good at her job, a good mom, wife and friend. She’s the type parents love. Never wild or eccentric, always well-behaved and easy going. She has a signature giggle that’s kinda shy. She’s the normal common girl who doesn’t like to stand out. This woman is reserved and might seem a bit uptight at times. She’s the type who’ll hardly ever try something new. She gets along with everyone, and her naturalism is very refreshing.
Tips: This woman responds to charm, and looks for long term relationships. She’s not the type to fool around. If you’re in for the long haul then you’re in the right place with this one

 

Now as painfully conclusive as this list was, most women won’t see themselves as fitting in just one category. Some will feel like they’re a combination of two (exchanging the flaws in one for the good traits in the other of course LOL), and some might even relate to three characters. As women, many of us refuse to be classified, stereotyped and catalogued, because even when there are some commonalities, each woman is as unique as her fingerprint. If there’s one thing you want to take home, this should be it…
Life changes a person. Responsibilities, criticism, neglect and pain…

They can all steal away smiles, rob away the softness and encage free spirits.

The only cure is in having one healthy, unconditional, loving relationships in your life

Just one person who understands, listens and loves you no matter what happens.

And when a woman finds this person, whether it’s a partner, friend, soul mate or family member, that’s when she shines like a star to guide and soothe everyone around her.
You’ll never be able to categorize her….

For that’s when the real gem, that’s one of a kind, truly comes out….

Lilly S. Mohsen is the author of the “Prophets To Islam” series for kids. She is a Psychologist who works as a part-time therapist, in addition to being a spiritual speaker and a contributing writer to a number of renowned Islamic and educational websites. For more about Lilly check her new blog: Lillysmohsen.com, or follow her on Twitter @Lillys.mohsen

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