Are you scrolling down right now expecting to see another definition or guidelines for how love should be?
How should the ‘perfect‘ partner be treating you?
What is love according to the checklist that includes so many signs to know if it’s real love or not?
No, that’s now what you’re going to find here.
This article won’t be mentioning any should’s or shouldn’t’s, because after all who can tell if those guidelines are really true.
I believe that there are no guidelines for how love should be, and there’s no ultimate definition for it. Just different people stating different perspectives, and that’s why I’ve interviewed real people to get real answers about love and relationships.
So we asked 6 people including three men and three women these questions to dig deep on people’s different perspectives and views and here’s what they said:
1- What is love?
– O.H: “Love is when you find someone who matches your energy and gets your soul, like you don’t have to explain yourself anymore to be understood. It’s a kind of connection that automatically takes place when you see the person you love. Also, love is when you find someone who makes you feel safe and supported, because life is already a tough thing to do, so love should make it a bit easier, or at least makes it feel lighter.”
– E.S: “It’s something that comes without choosing it or deciding it. It’s an emotion that I have no control over.”
– D.N: “For me love means comfort. Feeling comfortable and free to be myself, to not look my best all the time, to be goofy around him as if I’m alone. If either party feels like they need to fake anything, that’s not love. Also, when I’m not feeling comfortable around a person or safe with him, that means that it’s not real love. It may be a fling or anything else but not love.”
– M.S: “Love is sacrificing a part of what is important to you to your partner without thinking twice.”
– S.E: “Love is what makes our lives easier. It’s when two people decide to face the world as one person. It’s when they combine their powers to overcome whatever life has to throw their way. Love is not about compromising, it’s about accepting each other as we are no matter how different we may be. I think that the more smooth we make each other’s lives, the deeper we fall in love.”
– N.A: “Oh, many things! Passion, empathy, compromise, passion, embrace, absorb, passion again, pride, respect, appreciation.”
2- What makes a relationship successful?
– O.H: “Firstly, friendship. I believe that if we learn how to be friends we can get through anything. Secondly, compassion. I think that compassion results in understanding and appreciating the other party as is.
Thirdly, selflessness, because I simply believe that selfishness can ruin the whole relationship.
Fourthly, trust is essential in any kind of relationship between two people in order to stay real and be yourself.
Lastly, loyalty of course.”
– E.S: “Trust, trust, and trust! because i believe that in order for anything to succeed the first step you’ll need is trust! Same like in business.”
– D.N: “Communication is key. Us being able to talk and listen to each other and agreeing to disagree is everything, it’s not about who wins the argument and who loses. Also, I believe that we have responsibilities towards each other, and knowing these responsibilities makes the relationship so much easier and hassle free. It’s all about doing what we need to do to keep this relationship going, so everything should be out of love, not out of what we should or should not be doing.”
– M.S: “Respect, trust, and forgiveness.”
– S.E: “Persistence is key. One shouldn’t stop fighting and trying to make the other side happy no matter how many years have passed by. Some couples change when they spend some time together, which is normal, but there should be some basics that need to stay the same in order for the relationship to last and grow.”
– N.A: “I believe that any successful relationship I’ve ever seen was because they were having the passion that I mentioned in the first question many times. Through any bumps in the road (which is totally normal), both of them having the same passion can remove any road blockers with respect and love.”
3- How do you know you love someone?
– O.H: “When I notice that I started putting him first, because I never do unless I love this person. I also know that I love him when I feel the urge to make them happy in any way I can, because simply his happiness makes me genuinely happy.”
– E.S: “When I feel that I can’t live without her.”
– D.N: “When I start talking without thinking about how I’m going to be judged or seen by him, since I’m the kind of person who always thinks before saying anything. Secondly, when I feel like I don’t really care if we talk or stay silent, if we go on nice dates or just cruise with the car, in all cases I feel comfortable and happy and this is not based on anything we say or do together.”
– M.S: “When you want him/her to be around you always and forever even by sacrificing what it takes to do this.”
– S.E: “For me, having her on my mind all day long is enough to make me sure that I fell in love. When I feel like I want to see her all the time, talk to her, as if her addition to my day makes it smoother and brighter. To focus on her details and want to know more about them because I find those details beautiful. That’s when I know.”
– N.A: “This one is hard. But i think when i feel that I’m having fast heart beats (which happened with only one person) so it’s very hard to know or to realize if that’s the only sign.”
4- How do you know someone loves you?
– O.H: “When he shows up for me when I need him. And when I feel the consistency and loyalty in his love and affection.”
– E.S: “When she respects me and does what makes me happy without even asking.”
– D.N: “When I feel like he pays attention to what makes me happy and what troubles me. When I find him answering questions I didn’t even ask but he knows I want to know the answer to. When he really cares about me and insists on taking good care of me on the emotional level. When I find him changing and going off his way for me. When he appreciates the little things I do, and notices them. When he respects me enough to always listen to what I have to say. Respect is love. So all these things are more important to me than ‘i love you’.”
– M.S: It’s so different between one and another; some people show their love by actions, some by words . It depends on how you will receive it or appreciate it, that’s why i try to know their way of expression before anything else.
– S.E: I think it shows by the way she cares about me, by the attention she gives me, and of course by prioritizing me.
– N.A: Well I see it in the eyes. Kidding but it’s part of it tho!
Maybe when he’s exposed to situations that result in him feeling that he’s really going to lose me, his reaction says it all.
5- What is a deal breaker for you in a relationship?
– O.H: “Betrayals in any kind, or being unsupportive or un-present in my life.”
– E.S: “Lying. Since it’s the opposite of trust! You can forgive anything, but to forgive someone who lied to you is not even an option for me and I will never trust them again.”
– D.N: “Lying in all forms. If I caught him lying to me once, I will never trust him again. Also, if he is irresponsible. And, if he doesn’t have any kind of ambition or goal in life, no matter how big or small this goal might seem to others.”
– S.E: “Breaking trust. If the trust is gone, the whole relationship is pointless. If I cannot trust her with my heart, then I’ll always be creating boundaries and building scenarios in my mind and this will eventually ruin the whole relationship.”
– M.S: “Lying.”
– N.A: “I consider myself as a successful leader as I’m not the kind of person who follows at all, and because of this, I like my relationships to be different. I feel like if I get into a relationship with a man who is not a leader, it will be the end of it, since this is the only thing that I don’t like leading at all.”
Hope you had fun reading this as much as I did writing it and interviewing these beautiful people. Thanks to everyone who helped me with this one.