Who better than the owner of Lotus Wellness Center to tell us what it really means to be full of self-love this Valentine’s Day. Here’s what Lamia Samir meditation instructor, certified energy and crystals healer has to say about Self-Love.
Dear Valentine: I Love Me!
Valentine´s Day is around the corner, and “Red” is everywhere. Hearts, candles, red roses, and teddies are so hard to be missed! So officially; love is in the air. Regardless of the origin or authenticity of this day, regardless if you are a fan or not, this week is loaded worldwide with the collective energy and thoughts of those who believe in it. It’s contagious!
So let’s join the crowd, and make use of this special occasion, by doing a little bit of self-reflection. This is not a “pamper yourself and buy yourself the gift you wished to receive” kind of talk, although it is so useful, and you should try it sometime. This is about probably the most important question you will ever ask yourself.
Do I Really Love Myself?
Most of the answers naturally will be; yes, of course, who wouldn’t love themselves. Your mind will start telling you how smart, kind, strong, helpful, healthy eating, cool, beautiful, and creative you are. But all this is what you may “like” about yourself.
Self-Love is a totally different story.
So What Is Self-Love?
There’s no right or wrong definition or prescription for Self-Love. Many books and articles have tackled this issue, and they do give amazing explanations; you will be surprised with the great material Google offers. What I’ll try to do here is to share with you my idea of Self-Love and some tips that helped me through my personal journey.
For me Self-Love is not a logical result you reach after following a guide; it’s a feeling of love, appreciation, and acceptance for yourself, that no matter what you do, you always love yourself, as you are, and with the same strength. It’s also a state of mind and awareness that gives us permission to be selfish, yes selfish, and to help us control Self-Judgment.
The Art of Becoming “Selfish”
As unethical as it may sound, let becoming selfish be your gift to yourself this Valentine. Actually, from the moment you read this article till forever.
Let’s take for example all of you loving moms out there. You spare no effort in finding the best ingredients and recipes, and you wake up early enough to make sure every member of your family goes to school/university/work with a healthy breakfast, then you lose track of time, and end up having a couple of cookies and a coffee as your own breakfast. Can you relate?
The problem is; that sense of happiness, which “Self-Sacrificing” rewards us with, is momentary and superficial; this commonly repeated scenario, as noble, loving and caring as it may seem, can be very damaging to your sense of self-worth. It’s your inner voice telling you in every step you take “you are not worthy, your needs are not important, you do not matter”. Unfortunately, you listen to that inner voice whether you like it or not.
The core of this example is repeated between couples, co-workers and in all sort of human relationships; there’re always those who “burn for the sake of others”!
Why do we need to burn? Why not be happy, fulfilled, with our needs met, just like the rest of the tribe?! Something to think of and helpful tips come at the end.
Self-Judgment, Is It Healthy?
Definitely not, it’s the “root of all evils”!
Unfortunately, we’ve been programmed to beat ourselves up for every negative aspect of ourselves; our actions, reactions, thoughts, words, and we updated the program by judging our own physical image as well.
I remember a school teacher once telling us that we must think of all the bad things we did every night before falling asleep so that the pain of guilt and shame would stop us from repeating them, true story!
We all grow up carrying with us all sort of programming we receive at home, school, and society. Our self-worthiness is shaped by the input we receive from others. And the problem is that when we are young, we don´t know enough vocabulary to use, so any negative words, actions, thoughts or emotions others project on us, we translate them to “Bad”. Sadly, this thought turns into doing something “bad” makes “me bad”. And this is when our “Negative Inner Voice” is created, and it leaves no chance to remind us that “we are bad”.
Well, we are not bad. Actually, we are amazing just the way we are. We didn’t come to this life to be perfect, we came to make lots and lots of mistakes, to learn, develop, and evolve beautifully. And we are allowed to forgive ourselves for absolutely everything we did. Acknowledging that is a huge step on the path of Self-Love.
I’d love to quote here from “The Love Mindset” by Vironika Tugaleva:
“The most important freedom is freedom from your own self-judgment.”
So What Can We Do Now?
Here are some easy tips to help you through your Self-Reflection journey. I found them really handy. And I would also like to ask you to do your research, read as many articles as you can, be picky and follow your heart because what works for others may not work for you. It’s your journey, make it joyful, and make it worth your time.
Mirror Mirror on the Wall: Try looking at yourself in the mirror every day and telling yourself “I love you, just as you are” It can be uncomfortable at first for many people, but in time it will get easier and you will see how self-love and self-acceptance is really the foundation to creating the beautiful life you dream of.
Journaling: Get yourself a nice notebook, and write a list of the things you wish to buy or do. For the first one; start saving for “you”, don’t spend all your budget on your family, because you are as important as they are, don’t wait to get extra, take a little from the source. For the second one; find the time, “me time” should be enforced by law. Even if it means less sleep, it will not kill you. Later, every time you complete 3 things of your wish list, reward yourself. Something simple; eat something you’ve been craving, take a long steamy shower, go for a walk, simply reward yourself for loving yourself.
Let it burn: This is a very easy yet powerful technique I use with guilt. If you feel stuck in “what I did was bad and so I am bad” loop, try this:
First, if it’s fixable, fix it, and if there’s a chance to apologize, do it.
Second, thank this negative feeling for bringing to your attention that you are stuck.
Third, state to yourself firmly that you are not your actions. That what you did doesn’t define you, and that regardless of what you did, you unconditionally love and forgive yourself.
Finally, write down all that you did in a piece of paper, and set it on fire (take complete precautions when using fire), and watch it burn!
My Last Words on Self-Love Before Wishing You All 365 Days of Valentine:
Is it easy?
That on depends on how dedicated you are; I still sometimes feel guilty for not passing by the children’s store when I go shopping for me. I still fall in the guilt trap once in a while. This is deep-rooted programming we´re facing here after all, but it’s sure reachable, you just need to start.
Is it rewarding? It’s the best gift to not only yourself, but to everyone in your circle; you will never be able to fully love and nurture others if you are not so much in love with yourself. You will never be able to forgive others if you can’t forgive yourself. With Self-Love, you will most likely be in an ongoing unconditional happiness mode, and happy people spread happiness wherever they are.
And remember, we are energy beings, we attract the same vibes we send out there; when we emit love, we receive love, but that’s another story altogether.
Happy Valentine’s day!