Updated April 2021

If you’re just starting out in the ‘new love, can’t-live-without-you’ phase, with hearts in your eyes, a constant head rush, flying on top of the clouds on a colorful unicorn, then steer away from this article please! This piece is for women in long-term relationships wondering what the hell went wrong with their marriages. It’s for wives who are starting to doubt if men are actually human. It’s for women who need to rant about their husbands’ flaws.

Those of you who have hit reality so hard their eyes are still rolling inside their heads, and now finally understand how hard marriage could be, especially in this time and age. You need some new tools to rekindle that old love. The following is just a quick briefing, since each type would take up a whole book to explain in detail. This piece will give you the secret code on how to get the man you fell in love with back! You won’t find this information in books, as it’s been handed down to me from a long line of mentors and it all came together after years and years of experience.

My gift to you girls… no sugar coating!

1. Goliath

Imagine what the real Goliath is like; strong, tough, rough, and sometimes seems utterly heartless! This man is goal oriented, has no fear and has zero tolerance for mistakes! Break his trust once and you’ll pay the price for a couple of months at least! This type is usually successful, financially independent, educated and very possessive. He’s the kind of husband who says ‘no way in hell!” if you suggest going out alone or traveling with your girlfriends. And yes, he’s never wrong, so don’t argue or blame or talk back, coz we both know you’ll NEVER win! Key: Put your ego on the side and use your femininity to weaken him.

2. Leonardo Da Vinci

Da Vinci’s center their lives around social ties, rules and schedules. They find comfort in routine, and will be very disappointed if you try to surprise them! These men don’t get bored easily, don’t understand why you need space, and they give attention to details. They usually remember special dates like their neighbors’ birthdays and anniversaries. They value tradition, plans and are very family-oriented. They usually have a lot of female friends. Problem is though they’re huge blamers, even if it’s their fault, and they’re very negative when things don’t work out. Key: Keep your house clean, everything organized, and maintain your personal hygiene. Don’t try to be sexy or eccentric coz it’s a huge turn off!

3. The Jolly Man

Usually large and extremely funny. These men make the best friends and the most fun dads. They live to please and entertain people around them. Everyone loves this man expect for one person… his wife! She will usually end up finding him silly, lazy and an underachiever. Key: If you want him happy, feed him and accept him for who he is.

4. Alexander The Great

This type loves adventures, has an expensive taste and gets bored quickly. They hate routine and avoid facing work problems. They thrive on risk, danger, creativity and fun. Even if they’ve never achieved anything at all, these men still consider themselves the greatest. They’re usually a little selfish but very generous with their women.
Key: Live the luxurious life, always look like a celebrity and don’t involve him in daily problems.

5. Christopher Columbus

A larger than life character. This man has a passion for the sea and all water activities. People won’t believe you if you complain about him, coz on the outside he seems friendly, polite and/or funny. He loves to travel and explore new places. This man is usually organized, a great navigator and he bursts with energy! He also doesn’t mind depending on his mom or wife, is very moody and difficult to deal with. Key: These men believe their own lies, so go along with it. He needs softness, praise and a woman who will travel the world with him.

6. The Bully

My condolences if you’re involved with this type of man! The low-life, new-money, uneducated, abusive type. He’s judgmental, arrogant, has shaky morals, a big fat liar and a bully who thrives on humiliating and/or hitting women. Key: Run for your life!

7. Romeo

Oh lover boy! This man is prince charming. He’s good-looking, romantic, and can weaken you with one sexy smile. He thrives on passion, music, dancing, art, love, and most of all courting hard-to-get women. Cheating and flirting are part of who he is, because no one woman is ever enough. He will make you feel like a princess, steal you away, then toss you aside when he’s done. These men are home wreckers, but unfortunately you can never get over a Romeo-like ever! So be careful. Key: If you’re his woman, then always keep him on his toes. If you’re married and a Romeo walks into your life with promises of love… well, don’t let his fantasies blind you!

8. The Soldier

Explaining this character is like tiptoeing through a mine-field, so bear with me girls!
Okay so this guy walks into your life, sweeps you off your feet, is fun and alive and oh so sweet. A couple of years later he transforms into a one-track-mind, potato couch glued to the TV, leaving you to pick up the slack! Now he doesn’t do it on purpose, but this type changes the woman into being aggressive, frustrated and basically brings out the worst in her. Good news is these men are great dads, and they’re adjustable once you understand how to treat them. Key: These men usually have tough, controlling moms. If you want to win him over, be a soft loving mom, teach him how to treat you, and praise him a lot.

9. David

Extremely rare to find but I’ll tell you about him anyway.
Rational, logical, and never talks about his inner feelings. This man will literally die for what he believes in. He’s very fair, smart, patient, thrives on action and never gives up. He’s very biased to his values and belief system, and very confident he will get anything he wants. He might seem self-centered, and usually his woman will feel neglected or unloved because he’s always absorbed in his own thoughts and challenges.

Key: Give him his space and never go against his beliefs.

10. Marc Anthony

You’ll need to watch the ‘Cleopatra’ movie to get a better picture of this one. This man treats everyone the same, and that’s why the poor love him! He’s both educated and street smart. He has a strong personality, doesn’t take crap from anyone and can sometimes seem like a hypocrite because he’ll treat his enemies like friends till he overpowers them. This man is usually powerful, has corrupt friends and thinks of women as a source of pleasure. Key: His temptations are his biggest weakness. Need I say more?

11. Julius Cesar

Watch ‘Cleopatra’ again! This man represents royalty, honor and is a great problem solver. Nothing and no one stops him from getting to the top. These men are the kings, presidents, and CEOs of the world. They’re very practical, painfully direct, harsh and can sometimes be inconsiderate (Except when he sees you, a little girl or a weak person hurt. That’s when they’re very kind and soft) These men need to be in charge, driven to high status, absorb large amounts of information and are born leaders. Key: Don’t repeat the same mistake twice because he will have zero tolerance, and make sure you lift him up and never blame or put him down.

Now that we’ve faced the ugly truth let me tell you one last thing: as much as we hate to admit it, relationships don’t really thrive on love! They thrive on acceptance, mercy and understanding. Marriage is especially hard when, instead of being a team, you work against each other, trying to prove who is right.

It’s time to look at things differently because I’ve got news for you girls, divorce is no walk in the park. It’s even harder than marriage!

So, reclaim your femininity to bring your invisible superpower to any relationship. The only way to change a man is by changing how you treat him. After all, if the man is the head, the woman is the neck, and you can turn him into a miserable psycho or turn him to gaze at everything that’s beautiful, colorful and positive… and live happily ever after.

In the end, it’s ultimately your choice.